“Do you want real love?”

If genuine love has escaped you thus far, if think you’ve already found that perfect someone, or if regrets and confusion have made you wonder if the love you’ve dreamed of really exists, the following pages have been written for you.

If you’re like me, you’ve been told that sex is bad. But when you ask why, you hear something like, “It’s just bad, so don’t do it,” or “You’ll get a disease or get pregnant!” While I’m sure you realize that sex has its consequences—and they might be bad if they happen—these reasons aren’t always convincing.

Our generation has been taught how to avoid venereal infections, but what we really want to know is how to find, build, and maintain a relationship of real love. Sex is supposed to be a great gift, so it’s easy to get tired of hearing about the diseases and unwed pregnancy rates. If you’re ready for a different approach, and you want the gift of sex to be as great as it was meant to be, read on.

“How do I find love?”

Everyone wants love. Everyone longs to give himself or herself to another. We’re made for love, and that need in us is so deep that many would rather risk getting pregnant or getting an STD than live without love. We may be willing to take these risks because the world tells us that sex equals love. Then we see relationships in which sex destroyed love, and we wonder what went wrong. The only solution capable of breaking through this hurt and confusion is the virtue known as chastity.

“What’s chastity?”

Chastity is a virtue (like courage or honesty) that applies to a person’s sexuality. It means that you take all of your sexual desires and order them according to the demands of real love. For example, when you love a person, you make whatever sacrifice is best for them and you do whatever is necessary to keep from harming them. Chastity means that you take this definition of love and apply it to sex.

Some think that chastity simply means “no sex.” But that’s abstinence: focusing on what you can’t do and can’t have. Chastity is what you can do and can have, right now: a lifestyle that brings freedom, respect, peace, and even romance—without regret. Chastity frees a couple from the selfish attitude of using each other as objects, thus making them capable of true love.

“How do you know when it’s love?”

“What if we really love each other?”

“How can it be wrong if no one gets hurt?”

“What if we’re both okay with it?”

“But what’s wrong with sex if the relationship leads to marriage?”

“Is other stuff okay, as long as we don’t have sex?”

“Isn’t everybody doing it?”

“Who would want to save sex for marriage?”

“What if I’m not a virgin?”

“Can God forgive you if you’ve already had sex?”

“If we aren’t going to have sex, how far can we go?”

“What if I want to be free to do whatever I want?”

“Won’t chastity ruin the excitement of dating?”

“What about pornography? I’m not hurting anyone.”

“What about masturbation?”

“Is homosexuality a sin?”

“What about safe sex?”

“What if I’m sexually active now?”

“How do I say ‘no’?”

“How do I avoid mistakes in the future?”

“Does how I dress make a difference in how a guy treats me?”

“If a guy has a bad imagination, isn’t that his problem?”

“How do I stay pure?”

“As a guy, isn’t having a pure mind impossible?”

“How is purity possible?”

“What does God say?”

“What is real love?”

“Will impurity really affect my relationship with God?”

“What’s so bad about impurity?”

“But could God ever forgive me?”

“What is God’s will for me?”

“What do I do now?”